I haven’t been myself lately, especially these last few weeks. I’ve been angry, and uneccesarily rude to people; I’ve snapped and got agressive over nothing. Even the tiniest thing hits me like a tonne of bricks and triggers either the angry or upset, mostly the angry side. I can’t even stop it, I’ve been trying, my mother has told me i’ve been touchy lately & I know, I don’t know how to fix it.
The angry side is easier to deal with I’ve found, once I blow of some steam or brood a little it generally fades and goes away. With the other side though I have the terrible affliction to absorb and foster the negativity and I get even worse and more emotional. Sometims I can kill it off with anger, being emotionally volitile and just flipping at the drop of a hat, but other times it just grows, like it did today, over nothing really.
I tried to get rid of it, listen to boppy music and decorate my wall with positive musical lyrics but I couldn’t fool myself and fell into a pit of dispear and depressing music and feelings. I guess I’m lucky my sister is so wacky, she kind of pulled me out of it, my mother tried, but couldn’t. When I’m not snapped out of it the feeling foster for hours, sometimes days and it’s awful, today I got lucky I guess.
I have once again realised that stereotypical romantic comedies full of horrible clichés and total predicatability are bad for my health. I should stay away from them, I don't need the idealistic world invading my imperfect reality, it's painful. I never should have strayed from Teen Wolf, watching 3 episodes back-to-back until 4am has been really working for me so far.
“When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.”—Lemony Snicket (via majortvjunkie)
An aquaintance of mine keeps trying to make conversation with me and has done so on multiple occations. I try to keep it going but it’s all small talk and I personally hate small talk. I have been trying to work out why he’s doing it, I mean, we never spoke much in school, and have next to nothing in common, so I can’t think of a solid reason why. The only thing that comes to mind is that they’re lonely.
I’d like to believe that it’s not the reason, because I know what loneliness feels like and it sucks. I doubt they like me enough to suddenly spark up a friendship so it has to be that and it makes me feel horrible for not being able to have a decent conversation with them. To be able to, or at least try to dull the feeling for however long the conversation lasts but I just can’t. While I want to, I actually find myself unable to do it and I’m not even sure why.